


the flat line crisis

by sheriffandsteel



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Eddie Kaspbrak Lives, Fix-It, Interrupted Love Confessions, M/M, Pining, Stanley Uris Lives, its yearning hours folks, reddiebang19
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-30
Updated: 2020-07-30
Packaged: 2021-03-06 06:01:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,772
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25528594
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sheriffandsteel/pseuds/sheriffandsteel
Summary: Eddie died down in the sewers. Well, technically he died in the ambulance on the way to the hospital. His heart stopped for twenty-seven seconds.With a second chance at life he figured now was the time to live the life he'd always wanted. That included a lot of things, the most important being telling Richie he'd been in love with him for the better part of three decades.Now if Eddie could just get their friends to stop walking in on his declaration of love everything would be great.
Relationships: Ben Hanscom/Beverly Marsh, Bill Denbrough/Mike Hanlon, Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier, Minor or Background Relationship(s), Patricia Blum Uris/Stanley Uris
Comments: 10
Kudos: 139
Collections: Richie/Eddie Bigbang 2019





	the flat line crisis

The movies had lied to him and so had several books. 

Dying was not peaceful. In fact, dying was the opposite of peaceful. 

It was cold and wet and terrifying. It was knowing that even if you didn’t bleed out there was roughly about a billion microorganisms and bacteria crawling across your skin and into the gaping wound on your chest and the still stinging hole in your face. It was knowing that one way or another you were going to die down there in the dark listening to your friends scream (hopefully not dying themselves). It was not a question of if you were going to die it was just a question of how quick it was going to be. 

Eddie had gone into the sewers with a sickening feeling that he was never going to go back out again. When an alien spider leg had speared through his chest his first thought was _well this makes sense_. Eddie had managed to convince himself that he was ready to die, that he was totally prepared to go. It wasn’t really like he had a whole lot to live for back home after all. 

But then Richie was holding him and somehow, he was crying. Richie Tozier, man of a thousand voices (all of them annoying), had somehow been brought to real tears by the sight of Eddie bleeding in his arms. Eddie could focus his eyes just enough to see the others behind him, tears cutting through the muck covering all of their faces. He realized in that moment with a horrifying burst of clarity that he did have something to live for after all. 

The moments after that were blurry and he didn’t know how much of it was real and how much of it had been made up by his dying mind. 

There was screaming, lots and lots of screaming. There was everyone shouting out lots of insulting things (he was pretty sure he heard the word ‘clown’ screamed on repeat), there was loud bangs like the cavern was caving in around them. Someone was crying, brushing hair off of his forehead. Richie cussing Bill out about not leaving someone behind. A voice (Eddie thinks it was Mike’s) saying that Eddie was dead and they had too. Eddie frantically trying to do _something anything_ to tell them that actually no he was very much not dead and please for the love of God do not leave him down there alone. He didn’t think he managed to make any kind of noise and he was certain that he was going to die down there after all, for a moment he’d had hope he could at least die with the sun warm on his skin. 

There was a brush of breath across his face and a feather soft kiss pressed to his cheek. Eddie tried desperately to find words, say anything. A sob so close to him all he had to do was make the smallest of noises and they’d be able to hear him but nothing would come out. A long breath escaped him as he resigned himself to his death but then miraculously a strangled noise and a hand pressed tight against the side of his throat. 

A voice, Richie’s of course it was Richie, shouting in maniac glee, “He’s alive! He’s still breathing!” 

Then hands, hands all over him lifting him jostling him, making the cry he’d been trying so hard to say come out as they jerked his wounds around. Arms tightening around him, a hand brushing through his hair and Richie’s voice impossibly close to his ear, “Just hold on. We’re going to get you out of here Eds.” 

He had just enough energy left in him to mumble through half numb lips, “Don’t call me Eds.” 

Eddie didn’t remember how they got out of the house and back onto the street. He didn’t know how long it took for the ambulance to get there. He wasn’t aware upon waking that he’d spent three days in a medically induced coma as the doctors fought to repair the damage done to his chest and pumped him full of stranger’s blood so he didn’t die from blood loss. 

When he finally woke up Eddie didn’t know yet that he had died in the ambulance. His heart stopped for a full twenty-seven seconds while the EMTs fought to bring him back to life and Richie screamed swear words at him to ‘keep fighting dammit’ because he had refused to let Eddie ride to the hospital alone. 

He didn’t know that all of his friends were questioned by the police because of his injury and that they were all almost pressed with trespassing charges except no one could locate the owners of the house on Neibolt street and it was pretty difficult to press charges without the owner there to do so. 

He didn’t know that the only time Richie left his side at the hospital was when the police were questioning him and when Bill made him go get cleaned up. Apparently, the only way he was even convinced to do that was when Ben reminded him he was covered in germs and Eddie needed a clean place to get better in. 

Eddie missed the tearful phone call from Stan’s wife telling them that Stan had woken up, saved from his attempt to take his own life. He woke up roughly the same time IT died according to Mike. He missed the even more tearful phone call when Stan was well enough to call and speak to them himself. 

He also missed the not so joyful phone call Bev made to Myra to let her know Eddie was injured. Bev never told him how the phone call went except to say that Myra said she couldn’t come to him because she couldn’t leave the house for that long. Eddie never asked for any more information, he could imagine the screaming and the tears well enough. 

This was all information that would be relayed to him slowly in bits in pieces over the four days he spent in the hospital upon waking. At first no one seemed to want to tell him anything but when he finally had enough strength to glare at them all Richie broke first. 

He was curled up in the chair beside Eddie’s bed, it was a spot that Eddie had seen vacant of him only once and it turned out he had just gone to fetch Eddie more pillows. He looked haggard and exhausted and every bit the forty years old they were. 

“You fucking died Eddie.” Richie finally admitted, leaning forward to rest his elbows carefully on the edge of the bed beside Eddie and rest his head in his hands as if he couldn’t bear to say the words and look at Eddie at the same time. “Your heart stopped.” 

The fact of his brush with death hit Eddie in the chest, right where his wound was and he heard a rough strangled sound. It wasn’t until he caught the concerned look on Stan’s face from where he stood with Patty by the window that Eddie realized the sound was his own breath choking in his lungs. 

His fingers clawed at the sheets as he tried to reach for an inhaler that was no longer there. For a moment his fingers came up empty but then cold fingers slipped into his and Eddie blinked past the white at the edges of his vision to look up at Bev who clutched his fingers tighter as if to reassure him that he was still there. He'd died once but it didn’t take. 

Rougher fingers took his other hand timidly and Eddie looked over to see Richie looking down at the edge of the bed where their fingers intertwined. Slowly, Eddie’s breathing returned to normal as he looked around at all of them. These people who he had known (even if he had forgotten for most of his life) that he would gladly die for. That he _had_ died for. As he looked into each of their faces Eddie knew that he would do it all over again in a heartbeat. He’d die a million deaths if it meant even one of them got to live. 

“Better luck next time I guess.” Eddie tried to sound nonchalant but his voice cracked on the last word and he winced, waiting for Richie to tease him about it. 

Richie was oddly silent though, still staring down at their clasped hands. It was Bill who ended up breaking the silence. 

“There is no next time. We killed the motherfucker.” Eddie looked up at him and in that moment, he was struck with the same hero worship he’d had for Bill when he was eleven. His blue eyes were shining as he looked at each of them in turn. “It’s over. We made it. We’re alive.” 

The grin on Bill’s face was contagious and before long they were all smiling and laughing, Bev let go of Eddie’s hand to wrap her arms around Ben’s waist which Eddie raised his eyebrows at as he settled back against his pillows. 

Bill was right. He was alive, against all odds. He had spent decades wasting away his life but now Eddie wasn’t going to let that stupid clown take one more fucking second from him. This was his life now and he was going to make every moment count. 

Of course, things like that were easier said (or in this case thought) than done. 

After a week in the hospital and another three days at Mike’s house while they all tried to come up with stories to tell the people in their lives about where they had run off to so quickly and just enjoyed each other's company, Eddie had come up with a plan. It was a rough plan to be sure but it was more than enough to work on. He had been letting fear and complacency run his life for so long. No more. He was going to be the master of his own life from now on. 

On the train ride home, it was a little bit harder to hold on to that feeling of righteousness. The closer he got to his apartment the more he realized that he could just stay, it would be the easier thing to do. What he was about to do was going to upheaval more than just his life but that was okay. It had to be done. He couldn’t keep being afraid to live his life just because it would cause other people harm. He deserved to have a happy life too. 

Telling Myra that was a whole other story. 

There was screaming, there was crying, so much crying that Eddie felt like he was going to drown in tears. There was ducking, lots of ducking as she threw things at his head. She had very good aim and her cell phone brushed against the side of his wounded cheek before it shattered against the wall behind him. 

There was bargaining and pleading and a whole lot of ‘You’re sick Eddie, who will take care of you if I’m not around?’ Even when he told her he didn’t love her, even when he told her he was gay (which he had finally remembered and had hit him with such relief to realize that he had cried) she refused to accept it and told him it was a phase and that he had forgotten himself. He would come to love her again. 

She refused to sign the divorce papers for so long that Eddie was beginning to think the only way that he was going to get the life he wanted was to just leave her and still be married to her. But he didn’t want to do that. That felt like a coward’s move. Besides, he didn’t want Myra to have any kind of tie to him to try to bring him back to her. 

“She still refusing to sign?” Mike asked carefully, the sound of heavy wind behind his voice. 

Eddie sighed into the phone and made a small noise of agreement, glancing over his shoulder to make sure the office kitchen was still empty. He wasn’t a fan of his office; he didn’t mind the work of the job itself but the people who worked there were far to nosy for his liking. He didn’t want any of them knowing how hard he was having to try to get a divorce. It had been bad enough when he had come back from a surprise three-week vacation with a bandage on his face and moving slowly like he had other injuries they couldn’t see. Which of course he had. After spending the last eighteen years working there and having successfully avoided the office gossip line it had been incredibly unsettling to suddenly find himself the main subject of it. 

“Where are you?” Eddie asked curiously. The wind behind Mike sounded like it would tear at your skin. 

“The desert! Somewhere in either California or Arizona.” Mike said happily and Eddie grinned knowing without seeing him that he was looking around like a road sign or a little map with a ‘you are here’ sticker would pop up just from him looking. 

“You don’t know?” Eddie asked, not sure if the thought made him jealous or terrified. 

“No idea! It’s a freeing feeling. You should try it Eddie!” Mike’s words were almost lost in the wind but they still buried themselves into Eddie’s heart. 

He wanted to be free so badly it hurt even worse than the wound in his chest. He was trying so hard to grasp that freedom but it seemed to linger just out of his reach. Eddie couldn’t help the twinge of jealousy that the everyone else had all managed to break free of the restraints that had been holding them back with relative ease. 

Richie had canceled all his foreseeable shows and was taking a year off to write his own material. Mike had finally left Derry behind to travel the world, he’d even sold his house in Derry and was now using Bill’s place in LA as his home base. Bill was working on a new novel, having finished the script of the ‘Attic Room’ sometime while they were still in Derry. No one was really sure when he’d found the time. His divorce had gone the easiest out of all of them. When he’d told Audra he was leaving her for his childhood crush he only just remembered he’d had her apparent response had just been to raise her eyebrows and say, ‘And I thought actresses were supposed to be the dramatic ones.’ Their divorce had made frontpage tabloid news but considering the way Bill had abandoned the movie she was a star of for weeks it was easy to site the source of their split as ‘irreconcilable differences’. Mike’s name didn’t even need to get dragged into it. 

Apparently, she still came over for dinner once a month. Bill told Eddie once that he thought she liked Mike more than she had ever liked him. 

Bev’s divorce didn’t go as amicably. Her husband was a piece of shit just like her father had been but since Eddie had also married the embodiment of one of his parents, he was not about to be the one to say such a thing to her. Besides Richie had already done so. Several times. To both of them. 

Her divorce went to court where it took only two witnesses and several photos of the abuse Tom had dealt her before the judge granted just about everything over to Bev. Tom had fought to keep the house in Chicago which Bev gave him since she didn’t want it anyway. She still walked away with full ownership of the company and 90% of their money. Eddie personally thought she had been too nice to him, which was a sentiment they all shared. She told him if she gave Tom something now it meant he wouldn’t try to track her down and take it from her later. Eddie hoped he wouldn’t be stupid enough to try such a thing but he rested a little easier knowing that if Tom tried any of the shit he’d put her through again he’d have way more than just Bev to answer too. 

Now she lived happily with Ben at his sprawling home in Nebraska. They both worked from home offices and were sickeningly in love. Eddie had received a text from them last week announcing that they had adopted a dog. He wasn’t one for pets (too much dirt) but he had to admit the dog was pretty cute. 

Stan’s life had already been pretty great compared to the rest of them. Job he was great at and enjoyed, a wife he loved completely and who loved him back and unlike Bev and Eddie’s partners was not a carbon copy of one of his parents. The only thing absent from his life was the children he and Patty desperately wanted. Three and a half months after the showdown in the sewers that changed too. Eddie received a card in the mail from them and when he opened it a photo of an ultrasound fell out. 

Everyone else seemed to have gotten their lives sorted out. The only one facing any kind of holdup was Eddie. He didn’t voice it out loud but he found this profoundly unfair considering he was the only one of them who had actually died. Shouldn’t he be getting some kind of a break by now? 

“Sorry Eddie. I know you’re doing your best. She’ll come around.” Mike sighed into the phone and Eddie clutched the mug of tea closer to his hands like it would warm through his chilled fingers into his heart. 

“What do I do if she doesn’t?” Eddie asked quietly, it was a question he had dreaded asking for months but now that it was out, he had to admit he felt a little but lighter just from having voiced the doubt to somebody else. 

“She will. You’ll see.” Mike sounded so confident, so sure. Eddie sighed as they hung up and told himself it was only because he had never met Myra. 

But by some miracle Mike was right. She did come around. She didn’t tell Eddie what finally made her do it and he didn’t bother to ask. He just saw the signed papers waiting for him on the kitchen counter, read through them briefly to make sure it was still the same papers and not a cruel trick, and then took them straight to their lawyer’s office with a new bounce in his step. 

After that things became easy for him like it had been for the rest of the Losers. 

His divorce was finalized fairly quickly once the papers were finally signed (he was a risk analyst after all). Once he had the official divorce papers in his hand Eddie marched straight from court to his office where he promptly quit much to the surprise of well, everyone. He shoved the divorce papers into the cardboard box he used to empty his office. It was mostly pill bottles and fake plants but he dutifully cleaned it out simply so no one else would have too. Eddie noticed one of the secretaries catch sight of the divorce papers sticking out of the corner of the box and saw her turn to whisper to a fellow employee. He knew that he was sure to be the center of the gossip mill for quite some time now but since he wasn’t going to be around to hear it Eddie didn’t really care. 

He pushed his way out of the stuffy office and as he stood on the streets of New York for what would be his last day in the city, people shoving their way around him, Eddie took what felt like the first deep breath of his life. 

Two weeks later Eddie found himself sitting on the couch with Bill who was gracefully letting Eddie crash in his guest bedroom. When Eddie had driven out of New York he had left behind anything that would not fit in the car and leaving behind all of the clutter had felt more freeing than he ever would have imagined. 

He'd called Bill from the road and if he had been surprised to learn that Eddie was moving across the country with no plan and needed a place to stay for a while, he didn’t show it. When Eddie had left the city, he hadn’t known for sure where he was going to end up but with three of the seven of them in LA (well mostly in Mike’s case, he was still off traveling when Eddie got there) it seemed like the logical choice. Eddie didn’t trust that Richie was any cleaner as an adult than he was as a teenager and so Eddie had turned up on Bill’s doorstep instead. He told himself that was the reason but Eddie knew it also had something to do with the feelings he had yet to fully allow himself to acknowledge. One thing at a time, as he kept reminding himself. It was on his list; he’d get to it. He wanted to be ready when he did and he simply wasn’t ready yet. 

Maybe if he told himself that enough he’d finally believe that was the reason and not his sometimes overwhelming fear of rejection. 

“If I didn’t know what we’d been through I’d say you were having a midlife crisis.” Bill said with a smirk, raising the beer bottle to his lips in an attempt to hide it from Eddie’s view as he glared at him. 

“He can’t be.” Richie said, tapping his fingers against the edge of the couch and grinning that wild grin at Eddie that always made his chest tighten. His fingers drifted on instinct to his pocket for an inhaler that was no longer there. Richie’s smile always had a way of making him a little breathless. “He’s not in his midlife yet.” 

“I’m forty years old asshole. How long do you think I’m going to live?” Eddie asked, his brow furrowed as he glared at Richie all feelings of breathlessness forgotten. 

“But you died.” Richie said, his voice forcibly light in the way it always was whenever he brought up Eddie’s brush with death. The reminder made Eddie’s skin go cold but one closer look at Richie and he could see the pain behind his eyes too. The words took their toll on him too at least. “So your life started over. You’re not anywhere close to your midlife yet.” 

“Are you saying that Eddie is reborn?” Bill asked straight faced before making eye contact with Eddie and cracking up into peals of laughter that made Eddie turn the full force of his glare over to him. 

“I’m so glad we’ve reached the point where we can joke about my death.” Eddie deadpanned, shaking his head at both of them as they giggled like school children. He crossed his arms over his chest in a huff and placed his palm flat over where the puckered scar on his chest was hidden by his sweater. He could feel the thud of his heart beneath his hand and he let the proof of his life soothe him as he rolled his eyes at his friends. 

“Oh, that’s it!” Richie cried, leaning forward and actually slapping his knee as he grinned at Eddie. Sometimes Eddie wondered if the feelings he had for Richie were even real but then he turned that megawatt smile onto him and the question faded away. “You flatlined. You’re not having a midlife crisis, you’re having a flatline crisis!” 

Bill clutched his stomach as he laughed and Eddie narrowed his brow as he looked between the two of them, the hand he’d had on his chest curling into a fist in annoyance. Trust Richie to turn everything into a joke. 

“I think the next step in my _flatline crisis_ ,” Eddie turned the full force of his ire at Richie as he said the words but he only raised his beer bottle to him in mock salute. “Is to get some new friends.” 

When Eddie had first had enough time in the hospital to be fully coherent and no one was hovering around him he realized for the first time how much this second chance at life meant to him. He had spent so long simply existing and now he was being given the chance to truly live. He knew that his life needed a bit of an overhaul so he made a mental list of the things he needed to do to really live the life he had always wanted. 

The first and most obvious was to end his sham of a marriage. Then to leave the job and the city he hated. He should probably throw out the inhalers he didn’t need and stop depending so much on medicine that he didn’t have to take. And of course, the most important thing. 

Eddie’s eyes had been drawn to Richie then, sleeping soundly in the chair beside his bed. When he had seen him in the restaurant, he had been hit with all of the feelings that he had forgotten about for nearly three decades by now that Richie was in front of him again, they were all he could think about. Eddie’s eyes searched the still familiar planes of Richie’s face as he finally let himself admit that he was hopelessly irrevocably in love with him. 

The last goal on his list was to tell Richie that. 

He had figured a year would be long enough to get all of that done. Three hundred and sixty-five days to purge his life of the bad and head towards the good. Seemed like a pretty easy goal to Eddie. He gave himself extra time to be safe but in truth he figured he’d be done with it all by the New Year. 

And for the most part he was. He’d left Myra and the stuffy overwhelmingness of New York. He’d thrown away his inhaler. Then his back up inhaler. And his back up back up inhaler (seriously where did he get so many inhalers?) He’d narrowed down the number of medicines he took each day considerably. He’d even gotten a new job at a firm in LA where he had an office with a window and no one seemed interested in gossip or his life at all. 

By the time New Year’s Eve rolled around the only thing he had left to do was to tell Richie Tozier he had a big old crush on him and really wanted to kiss him (and hopefully eventually do more than that). 

Once again Eddie was realizing that some things were much easier thought than done. 

The Losers decided to reunite for the New Year, the first time all seven of them were together since the hospital in Derry. Well now there was eight and a half of them as a pregnant Patty was there as well. Eddie kept catching Stan placing a hand lovingly on her swollen stomach and every time he saw the adoring way they looked at each other it made something clench deep inside Eddie’s chest. 

They were all scattered around the living room of Bill’s ridiculously large house (that Eddie was still living in but couldn’t stand the thought of trying to lay claim to it too). It was a hard fact for Eddie to acknowledge but now that they were all together, he couldn’t ignore the fact that everyone was paired up now. Well, everyone but him and Richie. 

Eddie had been shooting looks at him from the corner of his eye all night. Even with his God-awful pineapple printed shirt and the ‘2017’ glasses he’d insisted on wearing all night the sight of him still made Eddie want to smile in the same way Stan smiled at Patty. He still wanted to snuggle against Richie’s side like Bill did with Mike, or sit and place his hand on his knee like Ben did with Bev. He also really wanted to run his hands through Richie’s ridiculously overgrown hair and see if it was as soft as it looked in the dim lighting. 

Shaking his head at himself Eddie downed the rest of his drink before wandering into the kitchen, tapping his finger against his thigh anxiously. It was less than ten minutes to midnight and he was about to fail on his goal list. The thought of it was leaving a bitter taste in his mouth or maybe that was just the aftertaste of the drink Ben had made him. Boy could make amazing buildings but his cocktails left a lot to be desired. 

Sighing, Eddie placed his glass down on the counter before leaning against it, tilting his head back to stare up at the ceiling morosely. He reminded himself that technically he wasn’t failing his goal, he still had seven months left until a full year had passed after all. All things considered he was actually doing pretty fucking great accomplishing things, getting shit done. 

Still, he’d really been hoping to start 2017 with a clean slate and he didn’t much enjoy the idea that he had one thing left lingering over him. 

“What are you looking at?” a familiar voice made Eddie turn his gaze away from the ceiling to look at Richie who had somehow managed to keep all his long limbs coordinated enough to come into the kitchen without Eddie noticing. He leaned back against the counter next to Eddie, his arms brushing against Eddie’s in a way that made his breath catch in his throat. Richie tilted his head up to peer at the ceiling Eddie had been staring at and Eddie found he couldn’t take his eyes off him as he did so. There was a slight stubble on his cheeks and Eddie wanted to press his mouth against it so badly his lips tingled. 

The words were right there on his tongue, _I’m in love with you._ A confession twenty-seven years in the making. Eddie ran his tongue over his teeth wondering if it would brush the words off. They still clung to him, the taste heavy and burning to get out. 

Eddie opened his mouth to throw his confession out, consequences be damned, when Richie suddenly turned to face him, his brow furrowed. “I don’t get it.” 

“Get what?” Eddie asked in confusion, his confession slipping away at the sight of the wrinkle between Richie’s eyebrows. 

“What’s so fascinating about the ceiling? Bill’s taste in light fixtures isn’t that great.” Richie nodded to the ornate light hanging over the kitchen island and Eddie remembered how he had found him staring up at the ceiling in thought. 

“I wasn’t looking at the ceiling.” Eddie rolled his eyes as Richie knocked his elbow against his lightly. 

“Sure, you were Eds, I caught you.” Richie reminded him stubbornly with a grin. 

“Sometimes people can look at things without seeing them asshole.” Eddie sighed, wondering not for the first time how he could be so deeply infatuated with someone who annoyed him so much. 

“I always see what I’m looking at.” Richie said, his voice suddenly seeming to have dropped an octave. Eddie looked over at him in surprise, his eyebrows raising as he noticed Richie looking down at him shyly. 

Eddie swallowed back the sudden lump in his throat as he realized that there might be time to cross that last item off his list after all. 

“Richie I-” 

“Guys come on you’re going to miss it!” Ben’s cheery voice suddenly cut Eddie’s words off at the pulse and he tried to hide the annoyance he felt as he looked around Richie to see Ben waving at them from the doorway oblivious to what he had just interrupted. He didn’t wait for them to follow after him before he headed back into the main room where the sound of everyone counting down the last minute of the year suddenly reached Eddie’s ears. 

“Only turns 2017 once!” Richie cried happily before following after Ben slowly. Eddie went with him, standing in the semicircle they’d all formed around the TV watching the countdown. 

As they all reached zero and cheered out ‘Happy New Year!’ Eddie couldn’t help but watch as everyone around him leaned in to kiss their partners. That could have been him and Richie if he had been brave enough to tell him how he felt (and assuming of course that Richie felt the same way about him too). As it was Eddie was stuck smiling while Richie wolf whistled at the others, laughing when Stan flipped him off. 

“Jesus you think they’re ever going to come up for air?” Richie quipped, looking down at Eddie who blinked at him before letting out a laugh a moment too late. Richie looked at him with his head tilted to the side curiously before Beverly’s voice drew his attention. 

“Don’t be jealous just because you don’t have someone to kiss.” her words were light as Ben pulled her closer to his chest but Eddie felt like he could feel a weight in the gaze her and Richie were exchanging. 

“Hey if I wanted a kiss, I’d have a kiss!” Richie protested, puffing out his chest as Bev smiled fondly at him. 

Eddie shifted uncomfortably at the words. Maybe it was a good thing Ben had come into the kitchen after all. Maybe he had saved him from a very awkward ‘sorry Eds I’m straight’ conversation. Or worse the ‘I'm into dudes but short hypochondriacs are so not my type’ conversation. 

“Then go get one Richie.” Bill said with a laugh as he walked past them to head into the kitchen and hopefully make them all very strong drinks so Eddie could forget the mess he had come so close to making. He had a feeling he was missing something here but the drinks and the rush of his almost confession had all gone too his head and he couldn’t focus. 

“Fine I will!” Richie called after him. Eddie was so busy worrying that he had been grossly misreading the lingering looks he always caught Richie giving him that when Richie swooped in to press a feather light kiss directly against the scar on his cheek he didn’t even notice it happening until Richie had already pulled away. 

Eddie blinked slowly in surprise before turning to look at Richie with raised eyebrows. Richie was pointedly looking at the TV and sipping slowly from his drink like he hadn’t just throw even more confusion into Eddie’s mind. 

“This is going to be a hell of a year.” Mike remarked with a grin. Eddie silently agreed. 

“I cannot believe you’ve never been to In-N-Out.” Richie said for what had to be the sixth time that hour. He shook his head as drummed his fingers on the steering wheel before shifting lanes without even checking his mirror for blind spots. Eddie’s fingers were dug so deep into the leather of seat he was sure his nails were going to leave imprints. 

“And I’m never going to if you kill us before we get there dickhead.” Eddie snapped, squeezing his eyes shut as yet another car blared their horn as Richie sped past them. 

Richie laughed before turning the volume up on the radio as a Buddy Holly song started playing. Eddie decided it was better if he couldn’t see his death coming and kept his eyes squeezed shut as Richie sped down the freeway to take him to what he claimed was ‘the best burgers in the city’. 

Richie had come over to Bill’s to say goodbye to Stan and Pat before they left to go back to Georgia when the subject of the best local places to get lunch had come up. When Richie had learned Eddie had been in California for months and had yet to try what he declared was a staple food he had been so offended Eddie was a little concerned for him. So, when Richie demanded he accompany him to the restaurant Eddie had agreed immediately. He just wished he’d taken Stan’s offer to let him ride with him and Patty in the rental car. 

“We’re here Eds you can loosen up on the death grip.” Richie’s voice was light and it took Eddie a moment to realize that the sound of the engine and the blaring radio had been cut away. 

Slowly he carefully pried open his eyes to take in the surprisingly crowded red and white square building before him. His heart felt like it was racing a hundred miles a minute and he wasn’t sure if it was because of Richie’s driving or the hand he had placed on the back of his seat. 

“These burgers better be as good as you say they are.” Eddie sighed, dropping his head back against the headrest as he slowly unclenched his fingers, flexing them to rid them of the ache that had settled in. 

“Of course, they are! I am a man of my word Eds.” Richie said in posh accent that made Eddie roll his eyes as he turned his head to look at him, the leather of the seat cool on his cheek. 

Suddenly the small confines of Richie’s ridiculous sports car hit him and Eddie couldn’t help but notice how close they were. With Richie’s hand still on the back of his seat if Eddie moved a mere inch Richie’s fingers would be touching his face. Eddie swallowed hard at the realization and the words that he had barely been holding at bay since New Year’s were suddenly tearing their way up his throat. 

Sure, confessing his decades long love in the parking lot of an overhyped fast-food chain wasn’t the most romantic of places but considering how much Richie claimed to love the place Eddie didn’t think he would mind. 

“Richie, I’m-” 

A sharp knock on the wood cut Eddie off and he started in surprise before turning to glare out his window at Stan who waved at them expectantly. Eddie let out a small sigh of annoyance but it was so hard to be annoyed when it was Stan. 

“You ready for the best burger of your life?” Richie asked curiously before removing his hand from the headrest. His fingers brushed Eddie’s shoulder as he did so and the mere shadow of a touch made Eddie’s heart jump like he was the lead in a fucking Victorian drama. 

He didn’t know how he was supposed to stomach food after Richie’s turbulent driving but one look at the smile he was giving him and Eddie knew he’d figure it out. 

Spring in LA felt pretty much the same as winter in LA as far as Eddie was concerned. Maybe it was because all seasons seemed to blend into one there when compared to New York. He always knew it was spring in New York when the flowers started blooming and it wasn’t so cold that he felt like his eyelashes were freezing every time he walked outside. Eddie didn’t mind the lack of seasons in LA, in fact since he wasn’t having to drug himself up on allergy pills yet he found he even kind of liked this lack of true spring. 

But spring had always signified new beginnings to Eddie and this spring was no different. He had finally found an apartment he could afford that didn’t make him want to go bathe in bleach. He’d managed to rope Bill and Richie into helping him move, and Mike was even in town for the week on a break from his travels so he was there as well. Eddie didn’t have a whole lot to move, he’d gotten his furniture delivered already and he’d always had a pretty minimalistic life. Still, it was nice to have company as he set up this new part of his life. 

“This place is so sterile it's like a hospital room.” Richie joked as he spun in a slow circle in the living room and surveyed the white walls. Eddie liked the starkness of them. It meant they wouldn’t clash with anything he bought and for some reason he’d always found neutral color walls soothing. “Maybe that’s why you like it huh Eds?” 

Eddie rolled his eyes at both the statement and the nickname but he didn’t bother to argue with him. He had a feeling there was at least a little bit of truth in the statement. 

“Shut up jerk.” Eddie said halfheartedly as he joined Richie in the middle of the room to look at his new space in wonder. It had been so long since he lived alone. He found he was both terrified and exhilarated by the prospect. 

Richie must have seen some of this thought on his face because he was suddenly looking down at him with a quizzical look on his face. 

“Now that you’re out from under Big Bill’s watchful eye you can have all the ladies over.” Richie’s voice was strange, higher pitched than normal but too close to his normal tone for him to be doing a Voice. 

Eddie furrowed his brow at him before shoving his hands into his pockets. No one had ever asked him why he was leaving Myra (her attitude when he had been in the hospital had seemed to be plenty reason enough) but Eddie had still thought they would have figured it out by now. 

“The only ladies coming over here will be Bev and Patty.” Eddie said slowly before shrugging thoughtfully. “Maybe Audra.” Bill’s ex-wife was surprisingly laidback for an actress (Bill was right though, she definitely preferred Mike to him). 

Richie let out a strangled sounding laugh. “You making move on Billiam’s ex? Didn’t think you had it in you Eds.” 

Eddie could feel his heart beating in his throat as he shook his head. “Audra’s not my type.” 

“Beautiful tall read head isn’t your type?” Richie said with an eyeroll before turning to look at Eddie curiously. “Who is then?” 

An overwhelming sense of bravery suddenly rushed through him and Eddie met Richie’s eyes dead on. 

“Y-” 

The front door swinging open suddenly caught their attention and they both jumped comically as they turned towards it. 

“You won’t believe the dog we just saw!” Mike called, entering the apartment with a wide smile. If he noticed the slight blush on Eddie’s face or the redness of Richie's ears he had the good grace not to comment on it. 

The temperature rose steadily each day and Eddie found himself buying sunscreen in bulk to which Richie teased him about endlessly the one time he had managed to see him in weeks. He had been holing himself away to write new material, determined to make a comeback after the disaster of his canceled tour last year. Eddie admired him for his dedication to his craft but he couldn’t help but be annoyed that he hadn't had a chance to see him alone in ages. Didn’t Richie realize Eddie was on a deadline? July was creeping closer by the minute. 

Even more than wanting to meet his personal deadline Eddie just wanted Richie to know how he felt about him. For better or worse he needed it to be out there, needed it to be known. Either Richie would reject him or by some small chance of miracles he would admit to liking him back. The only way Eddie was going to know which one it was was if he talked to Richie about it. It was proving to be harder than Eddie had thought it would be. He was so sick of wasting time due to fear. 

May was drawing to an end and the few times he’d managed to see Richie lately there had always been someone else there with them or they were in too public of a place. Eddie didn't really want to be rejected in front of a bunch of strangers. That was one humiliation he’d much rather prefer to face alone. Besides, Richie was somewhat famous and Eddie didn’t want to do anything to taint his reputation even further than the debacle of walking out on his own show and his canceled tour had done. 

At least those were the reasons Eddie told himself he wasn’t confessing to Richie and not the fact that he didn’t know what Richie’s sexuality was and the undeniable fact that he was scared shitless by the thought of his confession ruining everything between them. Now that he had Richie back in his life again Eddie had no idea how he had ever managed to go through twenty-seven years without him. 

Richie was trying out some new material at a small comedy club and Eddie drummed his fingers on the sticky table he shared with Bill and resisted the urge to ask the bartender for a Lysol wipe to wash it down with. He used to carry them in his coat pocket with him and wipe down everything but that was one habit he had managed to successfully leave behind in New York. That didn’t mean the desire to do it stayed behind though. 

When Richie took the stage, Eddie was grateful for both the dim lighting of the room and the excuse to stare openly at Richie. He was sick of having to shift his eyes away every time Bill walked into a room or Richie turned to face him. 

His jokes weren’t bad, in fact they were a far cry better than the ones that had been written for him before. Most of the jokes got big laughs but there were a few that flopped and Eddie winced for Richie at the awkward silence but he was a professional (surprisingly) and kept right on rolling through his material. 

After one particularly awkward silence Richie himself laughed before shaking his head and making a cutting motion through the air. 

“Well that one’s out of the act. Its quieter in here than a haunted house on November first.” 

Eddie had been bouncing his knee with nerves under the table and for some reason he felt a laugh bubble out of him at the statement. He was the only one in the room who had laughed and he felt heat rush to his cheeks as he noticed Bill look at him curiously from the corner of his eye. 

Richie too paused where he was on stage before raising a hand to shield his eyes from the stage lights as he looked out into the audience. “I know that laugh.” he paused for a moment before dropping his hand to survey the rest of the audience with a shake of his head. “Seriously Eds, that’s the first time you’ve laughed tonight and it wasn’t even _funny_.” 

Feeling his cheeks grow even warmer Eddie resisted the urge to sink down in his seat as Richie continued, really starting to get on a roll. “Like is that really your sense of humor? Bad almost dad jokes? This explains so much about you. I feel like I truly understand you now.” The audience tittered politely but Eddie could feel Richie was about to lose them. There was only so long you could tangent about an inside joke after all. 

“Move on asshole!” Eddie called causing Bill to snort beside him. Richie started a little on stage, caught off guard. He dropped a mockingly low bow in the direction of Eddie’s voice. 

“As you wish.” he declared in the British guy’s voice which immediately made Eddie’s teeth grind together. Thankfully, he dropped the voice as he finished up his set to much larger laughs than the beginning had. 

Eddie watched him finish with a growing feeling of warmth in his chest and by the time Richie had left the stage he knew that tonight was the night. It was finally time to tell Richie how he felt. He saw Richie slip out the door to the side of the stage and without a word to Bill Eddie stood and quickly went out the front door and circled around to the back. 

He found Richie leaning against the back wall of the bar and taking in deep smog filled breaths as he looked up at the starless sky above them. Eddie hesitated for a moment before he leaned back against the wall next to him, curling his hands into his pockets as he tried not to think about how close they were to the dumpster and how dirty this wall had to be. 

“What are you looking at?” Eddie found himself asking curiously. He'd meant to tell him how much he’d enjoyed his set but something about the pensive look on Richie’s face had stopped him. He was probably making a mental list of what jokes to cut and what to keep and Eddie didn’t want to influence that in any way. Richie knew his audience way better than Eddie ever would. 

“The sky.” Richie replied immediately, the quickness causing Eddie to turn to his face to peer at him curiously. As if he could feel Eddie’s eyes on his face Richie turned to look at him, his face more serious than Eddie had ever seen it. “I told you Eds, I always see what I’m looking at.” 

Not sure of what he meant Eddie decided it was now or never time. He took a deep breath to steel himself, squaring his shoulders as he pushed off the wall to face Richie. 

“Richie I’m in-” 

“There you guys are!” Bill’s cheerful voice suddenly called out and Eddie closed his eyes as he cursed silently, before turning with a forced smile as Bill approached them to throw his arms around Richie’s shoulders. “You were great man!” 

“Thanks buddy!” Richie returned Bill’s hug but his eyes never left Eddie’s, and Eddie could see the questions behind the thick lens of his glasses. 

Summer was Eddie’s favorite season when he was a kid. He didn’t have to go to school and check over his shoulder for Bowers and his gang. He didn’t have to listen to his gym teacher remind him his mom had brought doctor’s notes and he couldn’t run with the other kids. He didn’t have to go to school or jobs or responsibilities. In summer the days stretched on endlessly with nothing but friends and sunshine to fill them. 

Eddie longed for that feeling of freedom as the heat of LA began to take hold and the looming tension of his self-imposed deadline filled him. At least he had something this summer to look forward to other than sunburns and more tourists to dodge in traffic. They were all going to meet up in Connecticut at Patty’s uncle’s cabin to spend Fourth of July weekend. It would mark the one-year anniversary of their defeat of Pennywise and Eddie thought it was fitting that they would all be together when it happened. 

Plus, they would get to meet Stan and Patty’s little girl, Abigail, who was finally starting to look like more than a lump of mash potatoes in pictures. Eddie knew you were supposed to think all babies were cute and she was cute, he just didn’t see the difference in the photos Stan sent to the group chat every day except for the outfits were new. But everyone else was always oohing and awing over her so Eddie kept his thoughts to himself. 

“This flight would work. There’s only one layover on this one.” Bill said, tapping out something on his laptop where they sat around Richie’s kitchen table. When he had asked Eddie and Bill over to plan their flight to the east coast Eddie had been a bit apprehensive to finally see his apartment. He remembered how messy his room had always been when they were kids so Eddie was more than pleasantly surprised to find that while the place looked lived in it was actually surprisingly neat. 

The tinny jingle of Bill’s ringtone suddenly filled the room and he grabbed him phone off the table with a grin before heading outside to take the call. Eddie had seen Mike’s picture light up on the screen before he left and he couldn’t help but roll his eyes. All his friends were sickeningly in love and he couldn’t help but be a bit jealous over it. 

“Hard to believe we’re the last two left standing huh?” Richie asked, looking at Eddie thoughtfully over his computer screen. 

“What?” Eddie’s brow furrowed, not following Richie’s train of thought. 

“You and me,” Richie waved a hand to gesture between them before grinning at Eddie crookedly. “We’re the last two singles in our little Loser’s club.” 

“It's not that hard to believe.” Eddie sighed thinking about their friends and how he always felt he paled in comparison to them in terms of looks and success and baggage issues. 

“Speak for yourself Spaghetti.” Richie sniffed, putting on a fake affronted voice. “I will have you know I am quite the catch.” 

“I know that.” Eddie found the words leaving his mouth before he could think them through but really, he’d been needing to say them for a while so what did it matter if Bill was outside and he hadn’t woken up that day with the plan to say it? 

Richie looked at him for a long moment before raising his eyebrows and joking, “Are you coming onto me?” 

His voice sounded slightly hopeful, or maybe Eddie was just reading too much into his own hopes. In any case Eddie was sick of Richie not knowing the truth. This way he might be able to test the waters a bit before he jumped in headfirst. 

Eddie shrugged in what he hoped was a noncommittal way. “Y-” 

The opening notes of ‘girls just wanna have fun’ suddenly cut through the room and Eddie glared down at Richie’s phone in the center of the table and the picture of Bev making a funny face that filled the screen. 

He was beginning to wonder if their friends were conspiring against him. 

They had been at the cabin for three days and Eddie had yet to find a moment with Richie alone. He was beginning to suspect it wasn’t just their friends conspiring against him making his confession but the entire fucking universe. Every time he caught Richie by himself someone else showed up before they had the chance to exchange more than two words. Eddie found himself biting the inside of his cheek so much out of frustration that he was surprised it hadn’t made his face concave. 

The day before the one-year anniversary of their reunion Eddie tried to find excuses to get Richie alone all day but his plans got foiled every single time. Mike overheard him ask Richie to go canoeing and so he tagged along too. He asked Richie to go for a hike and they ran into Bev before they even made it to tree cover. They went down to the lake and ran into Stan with a barely awake Abigail strapped to his chest pointing out birds to her and got sucked into a nature lesson. Eddie tried to get Richie to make dinner with him but then Patty and Bill wanted to help. 

By the time dinner was over Eddie was nearly about to burst at the seams with frustration. 

Taking his dishes to the kitchen Eddie spared a glance out the kitchen window and to his surprise he noticed Richie standing alone on the porch, a beer bottle hanging loosely from his fingers as he stared out at the lake. 

Placing his dishes in the sink Eddie took a deep breath and smoothed out the invisible wrinkles on his t-shirt before slipping out the kitchen door into the chilly night air. He had forgotten in his months in LA that other places actually had weather. 

Richie looked over his shoulder curiously at the sound of the door shutting and he smiled at the sight of him. Eddie took that as a good sign and he approached him slowly before leaning against the railing beside him. 

“Couldn’t take all the coupleness inside either?” Richie asked before fake shuddering. “I swear I’m going to come down with lovesickness or some shit just being around this.” 

Eddie let out a shaking laugh that sounded fake even to his own ears. Richie paused at the sound before straightening and turning to lean his hip against the railing and look down at Eddie curiously. 

“You alright Eds?” 

Eddie nodded and reminded himself that this was what he had come out here for. He had almost gotten through this so many times he could do it now. He had done much harder things in life than tell Richie Tozier he was in love with him. He had _died_ for fuck’s sake. 

“I-” Eddie paused to run a hand over his face. “Richie, you should know...” Chewing on his lower lip Eddie tried to decide where to start. He usually got interrupted by now he wasn’t used to getting this far. “I’ve been meaning to tell you...” 

“Spit it out Edward you’re giving me Stuttering Bill flashbacks.” Richie nudged his foot lightly with his own and Eddie nodded in agreement. He was only wasting more precious time he could be spending with Richie. He had been ready to drop this bomb so many times, he needed to just fucking do it already. 

Steeling himself, Eddie squared his shoulders before looking Richie directly in the eyes. “I’m in l-” 

The door swung open behind them and Ben’s voice drifted out to them, “Hey you guys have you seen-” 

“Holy fuck!” Eddie snapped cutting Ben off and spinning around to glare at the man who jumped back at the heat in Eddie’s voice. “Can’t you see I’m trying to confess my fucking love out here!? Give us ten fucking minutes!” 

Ben let out a squeak before raising his hand in apology and quickly shutting the door. Eddie watched through the kitchen windows as he quickly walked back to the front room, Mike had been about to walk into the kitchen but Ben grabbed his arm and pulled him out of sight with him. 

Eddie let out a small sigh of relief at that but then the words he’d said fully registered with his brain and suddenly all he could hear was the pounding of his heart in his ears. Slowly, he turned back so that he was facing Richie again, his gaze taking a very long time to make it from his chest up to meet his eyes. 

Richie was staring down at him dumbfounded, his eyes wide behind his glasses in a way that would have been comical under vastly different circumstances. 

Eddie’s fingers clawed at his pocket and it took him a moment to realize he was searching for an inhaler that wasn’t there and hadn't been there for a very long time. He opened his mouth to say something, anything, but found his brain had gone completely blank of words. 

Thankfully, one thing Richie had always had plenty of was words. Eddie couldn’t read his voice as he whispered so soft he’d have thought he imagined it if it wasn’t for the look on Richie’s face. “You love me?” 

He might have lost the ability to speak but at least he still had control of his motor functions. Eddie nodded slowly and had to remind himself to breath as Richie licked his lips and choked out, “Like as a friend?” 

Something in his chest squeezed painfully and Eddie found his words rush back into him like a dam had broken. “No not like a friend asshole. I’ve been in love with you my entire fucking life- I just forgot about it for a while which was not my fucking fault but that stupid fucking clown. I am in love with you and its fine if you don’t feel-” 

All of Eddie’s worries that Richie didn’t love him back were fighting to get out when he was cut off yet again. He didn’t mind this time because he wasn’t being cut off by someone walking in on them but by Richie cupping his face and kissing him. 

Eddie reached up to grip the sides of Richie’s stupidly bright and tacky Hawiian shirt to pull him closer to him, pushing up on his toes to better reach Richie’s mouth. It wasn’t even the fourth of July yet but Eddie was definitely seeing fireworks. 

After a minute or a lifetime, they pulled apart and Richie looked down at him with a smile so wide it looked like it hurt but Eddie knew it probably matched his own. He leaned down to rest his forehead against Eddie’s and whispered, “I’m in love with you too.” 

Those were easily the six best words Eddie had ever heard and he pulled Richie back down to kiss him again to tell him so without words. 

He wasn’t sure how long they stood on the porch kissing but by the time the finally headed back inside Eddie was shivering, although he hadn’t really felt the cold with Richie’s arms around him. He was wondering how they were going to tell their friends, or if they were even going to tell them yet, when Richie took his hand as they headed out of the kitchen and into the room where everyone else was. 

Conversation stalled for just a moment as Richie plopped on the couch next to Stan before pulling Eddie down into the narrow space next to him and wrapped his arm around his shoulders. 

Eddie felt a blush begin to heat across his cheeks and he was trying to think of something to say when Beverly suddenly reached out her hand, palm up. 

“I was closest,” she wiggled her fingers before looking around the room at the others while Eddie and Richie exchanged a confused look. “Pay up.” 

Eddie felt his brows raise as everyone started passing Bev twenties. She caught him looking at her and winked at him sheepishly. 

“I really thought you’d still be dancing around each other for years.” Mike admitted under Eddie’s wide-eyed gaze. Richie started laughing and Eddie could feel his chest moving against his side. 

“I still can’t believe it took this long. You literally died Eddie.” Stan was staring at him with a wry shake of his head. Eddie sputtered indignantly as Richie pulled him closer to his chest. 

“He wanted to wait so I didn’t think I was part of his flatline crisis.” Richie said sagely, making Bill start guffawing and Eddie whip his head around to glare at him. 

“Stop trying to make that catch on.” Eddie snapped, although his annoyance was mostly just for show. He couldn’t figure out if he was offended by the fact that their friends had bet on their love life or not. 

“Yes dear.” Richie pressed a kiss against Eddie’s temple and he felt his cheeks flare with warmth even as a pleased feeling settled over his chest. 

“You two are going to be even more obnoxious now aren’t you?” Bill asked with a sigh as he looked between the two of them. 

Eddie looked up at Richie who grinned down at him in response before they both turned to Bill and spoke at the same time. 

“Apple-souletly.” 

“You bet your fur!” 

Bill groaned and dropped his head into his heads as Mike patted him comfortingly on the back. “I regret asking.” 

“I’m so grateful we don’t live in LA.” Beverly said to Ben who laughed in response and pulled her closer to his side. 

“Me too.” Patty admitted causing Stan to look over at her with one of his ‘blink and you’ll miss it’ smiles while Abigail slept peacefully in his arms. 

Richie started giggling, pressing his face into Eddie’s neck to stifle the sound as Eddie looked around the room with wonder. To think a year ago he had only just remembered who these people were. He had lived more than half of his life without them. Eddie twined his fingers through Richie’s and smiled to himself as he realized that was something he didn’t have to worry about again. Now that they were back in each other’s lives, none of them were ever leaving.


End file.
